East Alameda News

As we enter our third year of a pandemic, many of us are discouraged by the state of the world. Polarization is high, people feel lonely and disconnected, and many have burned out at work or been traumatized by overwhelming loss.

This year’s favorite books offer a mixture of advice on how to address these issues through shifting our worldview, improving our social interactions and institutions, and doing what we can to increase our personal well-being. Some books teach us about how to counteract burnout, prevent the spread of conspiracy theories, view trauma differently, or reduce polarization through intellectual humility and bridge-building. Others show us how we can increase our sense of meaning in life, develop closer friendships, learn from bittersweet emotions, or use body movement to feel better. All of these books inspire hope and offer practical advice on how to create a happier, more compassionate society.

While there are always too many worthy books to note, these were ones our staff and network of researchers found particularly interesting and helpful. We hope you, our readers, will be inspired to read and see for yourself how you can contribute to the greater good and enjoy a happier, healthier life.

“Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole,” by Susan Cain

We all experience bittersweet feelings at times — when we are happy and sad simultaneously. It can happen when watching a fading sunset, attending our child’s wedding, or thinking of a long-lost love.

In “Bittersweet,” writer Susan Cain describes bittersweet feelings as “a tendency to states of longing, poignancy, and sorrow; an acute awareness of the passing of time; and a curious piercing joy at the beauty of the world.” Embracing these emotions, she argues, can make our lives richer and more meaningful.

Bittersweet feelings like longing can create momentum for changing what’s wrong in our lives and lead to a renewed sense of purpose, she says. While sometimes unpleasant, they can spur spiritual growth and artistic pursuits — the creativity born of melancholy. They can also foster a greater sense of connection with others, helping us understand human pain and be more empathic.

Her overall message? Don’t push bittersweet feelings aside; use them to help you grow.

The social pain of “othering” — the disconnection, division, and loneliness created by treating people as “the other” — is so commonplace that there seems to be a “crisis of belonging,” explains psychologist Geoffrey Cohen. But Cohen hopes that this crisis can be overcome with guidance from scientific insights that help us nurture belonging in our individual daily lives and promote social change on a wider scale.

Through weaving personal stories with research, Cohen explains how to promote connection in schools, workplaces, health care, and policing. He also provides practical strategies to build bridges in our daily lives. For example, he suggests considering the role a situation plays in someone’s behavior rather than reflexively judging them as intrinsically flawed. He also recommends crafting situations in our lives to foster belonging, like when a teacher addresses his students with honorifics like “Mr. Garcia” to express respect.

“Belonging may seem like a comfortable but inessential luxury,” writes Cohen. But “Belonging” makes clear that it’s not only critical for individual well-being, it’s the foundation for a thriving society.

Friendships are wrongly undervalued in our society, says psychologist Marisa Franco in her new book. While we may prioritize familial or romantic relationships, it’s friendships that often provide us with our greatest sense of belonging, intimacy, and happiness.

“We choose our friends, which allows us to surround ourselves with people who root for us, get us, and delight in our joy,” she writes. “Through friendship, we can self-select into some of the most affirming, safe, and sacred relationships of our lives.”

Franco’s book not only makes the case for developing friendship, but also shows us how to go about it: by reaching out, being vulnerable and authentic, offering affection and generosity, and managing conflicts wisely. While our attachment style can sometimes interfere with making friends, Franco gives practical guidance on how to manage psychological (and other) blocks to friendship, paving the way to deeper relationships.

When politics gets too polarized, people start to think they have all the answers — and they’re not interested in anything the “other side” has to say. But bridge-builder Monica Guzmán offers a radical proposition in her new book: that we recognize our own intellectual limitations and get curious about other people’s beliefs.

Guzmán, a journalist and senior fellow at Braver Angels, shares stories from across the country (and within her own household) of people who have been open and curious enough to get to “I never thought of it that way” moments — that point in a conversation when you see beyond your own worldview, beliefs, and perspective. Along the way, she offers tips for staying curious, having more productive conversations, and avoiding the traps that pull us back into our silos.

If today’s polarization has you beyond frustrated, Guzmán’s book may offer you some hope — and enough nitty-gritty advice — to make bridging our differences actually seem possible.

Many people feel they don’t have enough hours in the day to do everything they’d like to do. But in “Happier Hour,” researcher Cassie Holmes shows why (for many people) this attitude is wrong-headed. With some simple changes, she argues, we can prioritize what matters most and craft a happier life.

Holmes encourages us to evaluate our current use of free time and how much pleasure or meaning we derive from our activities. Then, she offers evidence-based tips on how to expand our sense of time and use time more wisely — by lessening technology use, nurturing relationships, bundling unpleasant activities with pleasant ones, being present, experiencing awe and gratitude, and more.

Even the busiest among us can be more intentional about how we spend time — and should aim for more meaningful, positive experiences if happiness is our goal, she argues. “This is the time of your life, and you can’t let it go to waste.”

How can we stop the burnout epidemic? In “The Burnout Challenge,” scientists Christina Maslach and Michael Leiter explain the causes of burnout and how to counteract it — not just individually, but on a widespread basis.

While many employers pressure employees to prevent burnout in themselves with self-care (mindfulness training, exercise, therapy, and more), Maslach and Leiter argue that workplaces need to change, too. The feelings of exhaustion, disengagement, and lack of efficacy associated with burnout fester in places that don’t provide workers with reasonable workloads, appropriate recognition, supportive colleagues, a sense of autonomy and meaning, or fair treatment.

The solutions to burnout may be multi-pronged, but the book provides concrete ideas that can make a difference. The authors write, “If you take these lessons to heart and start putting them into practice, you can make progress toward making the experience of work more fulfilling, motivating, and viable — for yourself or, as a manager, for others in your organization.”

 “Life…it’s just the way it is.” Per Gabor and Daniel Maté, this view is wrong. Living doesn’t have to be taxing. Ill-being doesn’t have to be accepted. Trauma doesn’t have to be prevalent. Our emotional, physical, and spiritual decay isn’t normal. That’s the myth.

In “The Myth of Normal,” the authors use science, inspiring stories, and clinical wisdom to demonstrate that we really are products of our environment. For example, they argue that our childhood experiences — and living in a culture where loneliness, materialism, and addiction are common — shape our entire being. Indeed, chronic mental and physical illness are less likely byproducts of “bad” genes and more likely byproducts of harmful circumstances.

In this wide-ranging, poetically written book, the authors offer “pathways to wholeness” including authenticity, compassion, and cognitive restructuring. Follow their advice, and you may be able to achieve a different kind of normal.

Tired of paying interest on “sleep debt”? In Aric Prather’s book, we learn about how ordinary behaviors and choices in daily life disrupt natural sleep processes and what we can do to get our sleep back.

The consequences of inadequate or poor-quality sleep are dire. You get sick more easily, often, and for longer and feel more pain; you are cognitively duller and your memory’s impaired; you are less empathic, friendly, and likable.

To avoid this, Prather offers a weeklong “recipe” of research-backed techniques for improving sleep, beginning with creating a sleep diary to establish the status quo. For each sleep-building technique, Prather shares intriguing stories from his sleep clinic at UCSF, flexible options for implementation, and a full explanation of the biology behind why it works.

You don’t need a prescription to benefit from reading “The Sleep Prescription.” As Prather writes, “When you sleep better, your whole life improves, creating a foundation for health and well-being.”

To witness suffering or imminent harm is to feel a deep impulse to do something about it. Beneath thoughts and feelings that affect our likelihood of taking action, our motivation to get involved comes first.

Stephanie Preston’s book “The Altruistic Urge” explains where that impulse to help comes from. Countering the pervasive belief that humans are primarily self-serving and aggressive, Preston’s book establishes mutual caregiving and protection as essential to evolutionary success. Her research with rodents, primates, and humans connects the altruistic urge to neurobiological pathways and circuits deep in the brain, and makes the case that wanting to assist each other is a hardwired, adaptive survival reflex that originates from our genetic mandate to keep offspring safe.

While we can think ourselves out of helping or blunt the altruistic urge with cultural norms and structural forces in society, what makes it come to life is simply believing that we can successfully help.

Original source can be found here.